rakesh jain rakesh jain
rakesh jain rakesh jain
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Thursday, August 7, 2008
The Complains of the Penis!
I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:
I do physical labor.
I work at great depths.
I plunge head first into everything I do.
I do not get weekends or holidays off.
I work in a damp environment.
I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.
I work in high temperatures.
I am willing to work any shift.
My work exposes me to contagious diseases.
The response:
Dear Penis:
After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:
You do not work 8 hours straight.
You fall asleep after brief work periods.
You do not always follow the orders of the management team.
You do not stay in your designated work area and are often seen visiting other locations.
You do not take initiative, you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.
You leave your workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing.
You will retire well before you are 65.
You are unable to work double shifts.
You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed the assigned task.
And if that were not enough, you have been constantly entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.
Sincerely,
The Management
I do physical labor.
I work at great depths.
I plunge head first into everything I do.
I do not get weekends or holidays off.
I work in a damp environment.
I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.
I work in high temperatures.
I am willing to work any shift.
My work exposes me to contagious diseases.
The response:
Dear Penis:
After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:
You do not work 8 hours straight.
You fall asleep after brief work periods.
You do not always follow the orders of the management team.
You do not stay in your designated work area and are often seen visiting other locations.
You do not take initiative, you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.
You leave your workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing.
You will retire well before you are 65.
You are unable to work double shifts.
You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed the assigned task.
And if that were not enough, you have been constantly entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.
Sincerely,
The Management
smart girl
A young girl was going on a date. Her grandmother said: “Sit here and let me tell you about those young boys. He is going to try and kiss you, you are going to like that, but don’t let him do that.
He is going to try and feel your breast, you are going to like that but don’t let him do that. But most important, he is going to try and get on top of you to have his way with you. You are going to like that, but don’t let him do that. It will disgrace the family.”
With that bit of advice, the granddaughter went on her date. The next day she told grandma that her date went just like she had predicted: “Grandma, I didn’t let him disgrace the family. When he tried, I just turned over, got on top of him, and disgraced His family…”
4. TEACHER: " Kya cheez mooh main nahin leni chahiye ?"
STUDENT: "Jalta hua BULB.
TEACHER: "Kyon?"
STUDENT: "Kal raat mummy papa se bol rahi thi ki bulb bujha do to mooh main loongi.
He is going to try and feel your breast, you are going to like that but don’t let him do that. But most important, he is going to try and get on top of you to have his way with you. You are going to like that, but don’t let him do that. It will disgrace the family.”
With that bit of advice, the granddaughter went on her date. The next day she told grandma that her date went just like she had predicted: “Grandma, I didn’t let him disgrace the family. When he tried, I just turned over, got on top of him, and disgraced His family…”
4. TEACHER: " Kya cheez mooh main nahin leni chahiye ?"
STUDENT: "Jalta hua BULB.
TEACHER: "Kyon?"
STUDENT: "Kal raat mummy papa se bol rahi thi ki bulb bujha do to mooh main loongi.
Santa Banta
Santa's urine report got exchanged with a ladies pregnancy report.
Dr. told santa, "you are pregnant".
Angry santa shouts at wife, "Maine pehle hi kaha tha, mujhe upar rehne de
Dr. told santa, "you are pregnant".
Angry santa shouts at wife, "Maine pehle hi kaha tha, mujhe upar rehne de
Chicken story (mind blowing climax)
A farmer rears twenty-five young hens and one old cock. As he feels that the old cock could no longer handle his job efficiently, the farmer bought one young cock from the market.
Old cock to Young cock : "Welcome to join me, we will work together towards productivity.
Young cock : What you mean? As far as I know, you are old and should be retired.
Old cock : Young boy, there are twenty-five hens here, can't I help you with some?
Young cock : No! Not even one, all of them will be mine.
Old cock : In this case, I shall challenge you to a competition and if I win you shall allow me to have one hen and if I lose you will have all.
Young cock :
O.K. What kind of competition?
Old cock: 50 meter run. From here to that tree. But due to my age, I hope you allow me to start off the first 10 meters.
Young cock : No problem ! We will compete tomorrow morning.
Confidently, the following morning, the Young cock allows the Old cock to start off and when the Old cock crosses the 10 meters mark the Young cock chases him with all his might.
Soon enough, he was behind the Old cock back in a matter of seconds.
Suddenly, Bang! ...... before he could overtake the old cock, he was shot dead by the farmer, who cursed, "Hell ! This is the fifth GAY chicken I've bought this week !"
Old cock to Young cock : "Welcome to join me, we will work together towards productivity.
Young cock : What you mean? As far as I know, you are old and should be retired.
Old cock : Young boy, there are twenty-five hens here, can't I help you with some?
Young cock : No! Not even one, all of them will be mine.
Old cock : In this case, I shall challenge you to a competition and if I win you shall allow me to have one hen and if I lose you will have all.
Young cock :
O.K. What kind of competition?
Old cock: 50 meter run. From here to that tree. But due to my age, I hope you allow me to start off the first 10 meters.
Young cock : No problem ! We will compete tomorrow morning.
Confidently, the following morning, the Young cock allows the Old cock to start off and when the Old cock crosses the 10 meters mark the Young cock chases him with all his might.
Soon enough, he was behind the Old cock back in a matter of seconds.
Suddenly, Bang! ...... before he could overtake the old cock, he was shot dead by the farmer, who cursed, "Hell ! This is the fifth GAY chicken I've bought this week !"
The Transformative Effects of Marriage on the Y-chromosome.
Three women: one engaged, one married, and one a mistress, are chatting about their relationships and decide to amaze their men....that night all three will wear a leather bodice S&M style, stilettos and mask over their eyes.
After a few days they meet again.....
The engaged girlfriend said: 'The other night, when my boyfriend came home, he found me in the leather bodice, stilettos and mask. He said, 'You are the woman of my life, I love you...then we made love all night.'
The mistress stated: 'Oh Yes! The other night we met in his office. I was wearing the leather bodice, mega stilettos, mask over my eyes and a raincoat. When I opened the raincoat, he didn't say a word. We just had wild sex all night.'
The married one then said: 'The other night I sent the kids to stay at my mother's for the night, I got myself ready, leather bodice, super stilettos and mask over my eyes.
My husband came in from work, grabbed the TV controller and a beer and said ...........................................................
'Hey Batman, what's for dinner?'
After a few days they meet again.....
The engaged girlfriend said: 'The other night, when my boyfriend came home, he found me in the leather bodice, stilettos and mask. He said, 'You are the woman of my life, I love you...then we made love all night.'
The mistress stated: 'Oh Yes! The other night we met in his office. I was wearing the leather bodice, mega stilettos, mask over my eyes and a raincoat. When I opened the raincoat, he didn't say a word. We just had wild sex all night.'
The married one then said: 'The other night I sent the kids to stay at my mother's for the night, I got myself ready, leather bodice, super stilettos and mask over my eyes.
My husband came in from work, grabbed the TV controller and a beer and said ...........................................................
'Hey Batman, what's for dinner?'
A man without testicles
A man visits his doctor.
"I think I have a problem, doc," said the patient. "One of my balls
has
turned blue." The doctor examined the man briefly and concluded the
patient
would die if they didn`t have his testicle removed. "Are you
crazy?!"
exclaimed the patient, "How could I let you do such a thing to me?"
"Do
you
want to die?", asked the doctor rhetorically, and the patient had
to agree
to have his testicle removed.
But two weeks after the operation, he came back.
"Doc, I don`t know how to say this, but the other ball has turned
blue
too."
Again, the doctor told him that if he wants to live, his other
testicle
must
be cut off too. And again, the man was very reluctant. "Hey, do you
want
to
die?", asked the doc, and the patient had to agree to the
operation.
But, about two weeks after he is testicleless, he returned to the
doctor.
"I
think something is very wrong with me. My penis is now completely
blue."
After briefly examining the patient once again, the doc gives him
the bad
news. If he wants to live, his penis has to go. Of course, he did
not want
to hear about it. "You really want to die?", asked the doctor.
"But... how
do I pee?" "We`ll install an plastic pipe, and there will be no
problem."
So, the penis is removed and a while after the operation, the
unfortunate
man again returns the doctor`s office.
He is very angry. "Doctor, the plastic pipe turned blue." "What?"
"Can you
tell me what a hell is happening?"
So, the doctor examined the patient more carefully this time, and
says,
"Hmmmm, I think the jeans is loosing colour......"
"I think I have a problem, doc," said the patient. "One of my balls
has
turned blue." The doctor examined the man briefly and concluded the
patient
would die if they didn`t have his testicle removed. "Are you
crazy?!"
exclaimed the patient, "How could I let you do such a thing to me?"
"Do
you
want to die?", asked the doctor rhetorically, and the patient had
to agree
to have his testicle removed.
But two weeks after the operation, he came back.
"Doc, I don`t know how to say this, but the other ball has turned
blue
too."
Again, the doctor told him that if he wants to live, his other
testicle
must
be cut off too. And again, the man was very reluctant. "Hey, do you
want
to
die?", asked the doc, and the patient had to agree to the
operation.
But, about two weeks after he is testicleless, he returned to the
doctor.
"I
think something is very wrong with me. My penis is now completely
blue."
After briefly examining the patient once again, the doc gives him
the bad
news. If he wants to live, his penis has to go. Of course, he did
not want
to hear about it. "You really want to die?", asked the doctor.
"But... how
do I pee?" "We`ll install an plastic pipe, and there will be no
problem."
So, the penis is removed and a while after the operation, the
unfortunate
man again returns the doctor`s office.
He is very angry. "Doctor, the plastic pipe turned blue." "What?"
"Can you
tell me what a hell is happening?"
So, the doctor examined the patient more carefully this time, and
says,
"Hmmmm, I think the jeans is loosing colour......"
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